Recently in Misc. Insanities Category
iowahawk: Virgin-Americans Vow Fight Against Cap-and-Trade's Blood Sacrifice Amendment
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) defended the bill, saying that "it is critical that we do something immediately to show we are serious about solving this climate crisis. Without burnt offerings of taxes and virgins, Gaia will smite us all in her angry burning wrath. So let me just say to the corporate and virgin special interest groups -- don't come crying to us in 400 years, when our temperatures are up almost 1 degree celsius."
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) defended the bill, saying that "it is critical that we do something immediately to show we are serious about solving this climate crisis. Without burnt offerings of taxes and virgins, Gaia will smite us all in her angry burning wrath. So let me just say to the corporate and virgin special interest groups -- don't come crying to us in 400 years, when our temperatures are up almost 1 degree celsius."
What is really funny about the above quote is that the-guy-at-work-who-shall-remain-nameless just asked me if it was a real Pelosi quote. That right there tells you a lot about how this government is perceived: You have to think for a moment...is it real or is it satire?
Today on the phone:
Hi this is Bud from Sloman's Shield...we have some people in the area, and...
No Thanx, Bud. I've got large dogs and guns.
Uh...
This weekend while at the mall:
Sir, are you Jewish. We have 7 ways to true peace as taught by the Rebbe Moshiach.
No. Are you guys Mormons?
No Sir, we're Jewish.
Are you sure? The only people I know that stop strangers to talk about inner peace are Hari Krishnas and Mormons.
Hi this is Bud from Sloman's Shield...we have some people in the area, and...
No Thanx, Bud. I've got large dogs and guns.
Uh...
This weekend while at the mall:
Sir, are you Jewish. We have 7 ways to true peace as taught by the Rebbe Moshiach.
No. Are you guys Mormons?
No Sir, we're Jewish.
Are you sure? The only people I know that stop strangers to talk about inner peace are Hari Krishnas and Mormons.
At least the very obviously Hasidim got the joke...nice kids. I love it when my wife giggles.
Head of State...
$29.95 - Stimulate the Economy
$29.95 - Stimulate the Economy
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST
I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knif e on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet..
I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.
I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really hacked and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).
I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky..
- Alex
Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST
I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knif e on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet..
I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.
I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really hacked and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).
I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky..
- Alex
Can I live with you too?
Submitted by he who must remain nameless at work.
You know you want to buy it for her.
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Gotcha
Stains, from a Me or My Dog episode, has become famous on the Int3rw3b thingie. Check out YouTube and search for Stains. He cracks me up.
...my daughter calls to say that there has been a UFO sighting where we live in Toms River.
No biggie, my wife's parents were in town.
World's longest legs meet world's shortest man...
Her husband is an ex-Army sniper.
Hell, this just gets better and better!
There's a picture of her wearing fur while making a speech! She went back to work three days after giving birth! She's a pilot! She eloped with her high school sweetheart! She can skin a moose! She was a beauty queen!
I wonder how hard it would be to get some nail clippings or hair trimmings from McCain to put in the voodoo doll?
Tam Herself on her blog...
Mike On Ads - Blog Archive - Using your browser URL history to estimate gender
16% Female - 84% Male
Heyoka: A Lakota way of being, a medicine way. A Heyoka is one who does things backwards or opposite. The idea that Heyoka is a clown comes from the opposite behavior; it is part of the medicine of Heyoka, to remind us we are merely human beings and not to become too serious about ourselves, not to imagine we are more powerful than we really are, reminding us that Spirit holds all the power. In this day there are those among the Lakota who pour Heyoka lodges, which are directed towards the West and full of laughter. If a Heyoka man messes up he has the Thunder Nation to deal with. Spirit chooses who is Heyoka; it is a very difficult path to follow.
- Laughing Deer From a comment thread on the Belmont Club. The liberal weltanshauung is burning down before our very eyes. Their irrational hatred of George W. Bush has set them against genuinely liberal principles such as freedom, tolerance, and democracy. The American left can sense that their creed is as desiccated and fragile as an oak leaf in October, but they seem to be helpless against their own rage. It consumes them and blinds them to everything else. If George W. Bush is for it, they are against it. The Left has become a group of modern-day heyoka, like the indian in Thomas Berger's Little Big Man who says "Hello" when he means "Goodbye", rides his horse backward, washes with dirt and dries with water. Except that unlike the Lakota Heyoka, the Left cannot comprehend that they are absurd and thus draw some sanity from the absurd. They lack that insight and consequently make themselves all the more ridiculous.
- Laughing Deer From a comment thread on the Belmont Club. The liberal weltanshauung is burning down before our very eyes. Their irrational hatred of George W. Bush has set them against genuinely liberal principles such as freedom, tolerance, and democracy. The American left can sense that their creed is as desiccated and fragile as an oak leaf in October, but they seem to be helpless against their own rage. It consumes them and blinds them to everything else. If George W. Bush is for it, they are against it. The Left has become a group of modern-day heyoka, like the indian in Thomas Berger's Little Big Man who says "Hello" when he means "Goodbye", rides his horse backward, washes with dirt and dries with water. Except that unlike the Lakota Heyoka, the Left cannot comprehend that they are absurd and thus draw some sanity from the absurd. They lack that insight and consequently make themselves all the more ridiculous.
Several guys at work play that World of Warcraft internet game. The HR manager, the Operations manager, and at least one senior director play. The HR guy was checking some stats for his character. On the side bar were political ads.
We started discussing what character McCain might be.
A level 70 asshole was the consensus.
Obama was a level 1 asshole naturally.
We started discussing what character McCain might be.
A level 70 asshole was the consensus.
Obama was a level 1 asshole naturally.
From Theo Spark
..and the best prank call ever:
POTTER VALLEY, CA - A 43-year-old Mendocino County woman pulled out her .44-caliber Magnum revolver after she saw the mice scurrying across the floor of her trailer, intending to shoot them. However, she accidentally dropped the gun, which went off once it struck the floor. The bullet went through the woman's kneecap, bounced off the keys sitting on the belt loop of a 42-year-old man in the trailer and grazed the man's groin before ending up in his coin pocket.
The mouse escaped unharmed.
The mouse escaped unharmed.
Personally I use a 12 gauge with dust shot for mice.
The divorce battle is on so I thought I'd bring back some McGreevey jokes.
New Jersey State Bird is now The Swallow.
New Jersey Turn Pike renamed to Hershey Highway.
New Jersey Raises Terror Alert Level to Lavender.
Shouldn't take McGreevey too long to get out of the Governors Mansion. He's already got his shit packed.
Now we know why McGreevey enjoyed "polling" so much.
What does McGreevey and the Isreali Navy have in common? Jewish Seamen.
New Jersey DMV to now call Rear End accidents, a McGreevey.
Gives new meaning to "Stuffing the Ballot Box."
Post Headline...McGreevey goes down.
We know he didn't like Bush, but this is ridiculous
New Jersey State Bird is now The Swallow.
New Jersey Turn Pike renamed to Hershey Highway.
New Jersey Raises Terror Alert Level to Lavender.
Shouldn't take McGreevey too long to get out of the Governors Mansion. He's already got his shit packed.
Now we know why McGreevey enjoyed "polling" so much.
What does McGreevey and the Isreali Navy have in common? Jewish Seamen.
New Jersey DMV to now call Rear End accidents, a McGreevey.
Gives new meaning to "Stuffing the Ballot Box."
Post Headline...McGreevey goes down.
We know he didn't like Bush, but this is ridiculous
